When Everything Fell Apart – How Forgiveness Opened the Door Back to Life – Interview with Stephanie
A few years ago, Stephanie experienced one of the most traumatic moments a human being can imagine: She watched her husband die right in front of her eyes, just moments after they had reached the summit of a mountain hike together. The experience shattered her completely. For the next four years, she lived in a state of emotional paralysis—without joy, without drive, and without the ability to move forward in life.
In this interview, Stephanie openly shares how she remained stuck in grief, shock, and trauma—and how she slowly found her way back to life. A crucial part of this journey was learning to let go—not of the memories, but of the pain. Through our work together, she discovered the deep, transformative power of forgiveness as a pathway to freedom.
What had held her captive for years gradually began to loosen. Within just a few months, her spark returned. Her mood, energy, and motivation all began to awaken again.
Stephanie’s story is a moving and authentic reminder of how genuine forgiveness can open the door to healing, inner peace, and a new chapter in life.
Pål-Esben: Stephanie, thank you for being willing to share your story. I know this is a difficult place to begin, but can you tell us what happened that day on the mountain? Your openness might give hope to others who feel trapped in similar situations.
Stephanie: It was actually a perfect day. We had reached the top of the mountain, and everything felt light and joyful. But then—out of nowhere—my husband collapsed in front of me. He died right there… It was as if reality froze. I could only stand and watch as everything I loved was torn away. We had so many plans together. Suddenly, all of it was gone.
Pål-Esben: It hurts to hear you describe it. How did this experience affect your life in the months and years that followed?
Stephanie: Everything collapsed. I became completely paralyzed—emotionally, mentally, and physically. For four years I didn’t live, I only existed. I was numb. Nothing made sense anymore. Every morning was a struggle just to get out of bed. Every night was a reminder of the silence and emptiness beside me. Even the simplest everyday tasks felt impossible. It was like walking through a dark tunnel with no end.
Pål-Esben: What eventually made you seek help? Many remain in their grief for years without finding a way forward.
Stephanie: Over time, I realized I was stuck—not only in grief, but in the trauma itself. It felt like being trapped in a room with no windows. One day it became clear that if I didn’t take action, I would remain in that darkness for the rest of my life. And that frightened me. I understood that I had to do something—because no one else could do it for me.
Pål-Esben: When you came to me, we talked about the idea that you didn’t need to let go of the memories—only the pain. How did you experience that?
Stephanie: It was a completely new idea to me. I had lived with this belief that the pain was the last bond I had to him. That letting go of the pain meant letting go of him. It felt almost like a betrayal. But through our conversations and the forgiveness work, I began to see that what was holding me hostage were not the memories—but the guilt, the shock, the fear, and the overwhelming grief. All these emotions had chained me in place. When I finally began working with them, I felt something inside me lighten for the first time in years.
Pål-Esben: What was the most important turning point in your process?
Stephanie: Forgiving myself. It was the last thing I expected—and the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
The guilt was overwhelming: that I couldn’t save him, that I stood there helpless, that I could continue living while he could not. It was a spiral of self-blame. Only when I faced these feelings honestly and learned to forgive myself—not superficially, but deeply—did my heart begin to open again.
Pål-Esben: How did you notice things beginning to change?
Stephanie: It began with tiny flashes of something I hadn’t felt in a long time—joy of life. At first, they were so brief I barely dared to trust them. But they came. And gradually, they became more frequent and stronger. The enormous pressure I had felt in my chest for four years finally began to ease. After a few months, I felt joy again—real joy. I woke up with energy. I laughed again. It was like getting my life back, little by little.
Pål-Esben: It was powerful to witness your transformation. What would you say to others who are stuck in trauma or deep grief?
Stephanie: That nothing is wrong with them. That being stuck is not a weakness. And that there is a way forward—even if it feels impossible to believe it right now. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. It means freeing yourself from the pain so that you can live again.
Pål-Esben: Thank you so much, Stephanie, for sharing this.
